this is not me; and i have no idea WTF he is doing at the crux
from the desk of my press officer:
Although many sorta-fit climbers and out-of-shape ropeguns have onsighted and flashed Ro over the past decade (including some 11 year old kid from Texas, dozens of pregnant women, and at least one person who was “totally frying [his] ass off” on LSD), none have been able to make the 976th Ascent. Before today. I am also the first person living in my house to climb an established 5.11d/5.12a on American soil. As I clipped one at the anchors, I let out a victory explanation that could be heard all around: “You can get an armbar to clip!”
j/k.. it’s too swampy to climb right now….
-tt
It Came from the Garage 
Sarcastic view on recent news much? (other than that, very refreshing piece as usual, props)