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Categories : absurdity
i think this is a phoenix
here we go again. the fifth or six (re)revival of this blog. standard blog crap, i know, but i make no apologies for the lull and no promises for better production. it is what it is.
short sentences and sporadic content. hooray.
but for some reason i kinda think this ‘go’ is built to last. special, even. why? i actually have an urge to write things… with WORDS. my daily as a stay-at-home-dad has left my brain in shambles; baby talk and lack of sleep have given me a sort of post-modern slackjawism that i really need to buck even if it only involves the pointless shallow self-talk of a climbing blog (huzzah!). so there’s the therapeutic value. it better work because i’m billing myself 150/hr.
i’ve also incorporated a few fundamental changes to format and content to make it easier to maintain my stride. first off, the old lolwebz format/voice is dead. i’m sure it still perseveres somewhere in the internetswebosphere, but it has suffered the great editorial axe here at It Came from the Garage. if nothing else, we try desperately to hover at the bleeding edge of cultural relevance.
booya. who’s your daddy? where’s the beef?
second, the revival is actually just a brand new thing rather than a full-fledged comeback tour. think Phish rather than the Dead. totally not the same band (but sorta kinda the same exact band). the new new raison d’etre of this space is less focused on the cultural detritus of climbing and more textually aimed at training for climbing and – you know – actual climbing. we aren’t completely canning the cultural hooha but its taking a definite back seat to my riveting tales of pullups, situps, and jumping jacks (all three pivotal elements of a climbing training regiment).
on the training front you might expect description rather than prescription. of course, you’re free to do whatever you want (kinda), but my masochism shouldn’t necessarily be copied. think i’m a kook? awesome. think i’m onto something. cool.
hopefully i can keep this riveting enough to keep you coming back for more.
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Categories : bouldering, development, Red River Gorge, sport climbing, Spray, training for make total destroy
the only way i could manage to take a dump on my Lamborghini without a ladder
in case you haven’t been paying attention to the big silence that is It Came from the Garage, i took a rather long respite from the climbing blogosphere. a respite is – of course – a euphemism for playing video games, drinking beer, and watching sports used by the over-educated (HI I’VE READ ADORNO!) and unemployed to make being ordinary sound like an action montage cut from a pile of Spielberg movies. truth is, just like old people at stop lights, i got
but that’s all fine and good. a 21st century dude sometimes needs a healthy does of social media distractions and drugs to settle himself in the often torrid seas of the present. i mean, the world is imploding on itself. wild inequity threatens the social “balance”, environmental degradation is spoiling the..um… spoils of the earth, and – according to this pamphlet i’m reading – a fallen angel named SATAN has deployed homosexuals to destroy the world.
RUN FOR YOUR LIFE FRODO!!!
shit is dire folks. giving up – while not something which shines on your resume – has never looked better.
but enough is enough. after some time being a ‘dick’ on climbing forums, i’ve decided to fire up ye olde blog again. we have some serious catchings up to do.
What’s New in the Rockclimbings?
the most important thing to know is i’m kinda great at it. and by kinda i mean totally. you know that feeling you get when everything clicks into place? like when Harry Potter finally figures out he’s a super magical badass/magical super badass and not just a mop-headed weirdo with a scar? yeah, well its kinda like that for me, but without all the goofy friends.
i don't need a spotter Weasley.
What’s the Same in Rockclimbings?
everything else. seriously. quibbling over grades. training articles. idiots ruining access. shit under every rock at the motherlode. adam ondra sending everything.
finally found a replacement for the Luke Perry poster in my workout room
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Categories : absurdity, failure, Newbs
overhanging crimp ladder. /yawn
they hate this problem. they hate this crag. its dirty. its dabby. its in the shade. its reachy. bears. its too close to the road. its runout. its contrived. its soft. a bunch of permas. its stupid. its a dropoff. too many spraylords. the approach sucks. it smells bad. the landing sucks. its in the sun. its sandbagged. its grid bolted. there are dogs. its crunchy. its polished. there are noobs there. no permas.
fuck this place. everything sucks.
sound familiar? well it should because this is as good as it’s gonna get.
2012 bitches. we’re all gonna die anyhow so we might as well hone up our douchery as a prologue.
now where’d i put my jambox? puppy and cooler are already in the car; time to go climbing.
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Tags: 8a hackery
Categories : absurdity, development, failure, obsession, philosophy
8a.nu Research Harem
three important ingredients: 1) Jens “Hey I Don’t Understand What Debate Means” Larssen (Founder of 8a.nu and General Innovator) 2) 8a.nu (news and quantitative spray/”debate” site), and 3) my distance from the much-loathed but still popular site ((time+space/8a.nu)+me). it was all there. fondness, however, not so much. when i returned i found this*:
* bold emphasis mine.
Jamie Emerson is working on a topo for RMNP where Jade is located giving him a delicate issue, that in a way also describes grading theory, and the problem for 8a once producing news.
Jade seems to be a reachy one move problem that Daniel Woods, 168 cm?, did in 2007. In the 2008 8a yearbook, Björn Pohl appointed it to be one of the Top-10 most difficult problem in the world. It has been, rather quickly, repeated by five taller guys but no suggested downgrade before Carlo Traversi did so last week.
It is totally understandable that nobody has mentioned a down grade before as this should only be done when you feel something is totally wrong. Carlo has not done 8B+ and crimps are not his strong point. In the video, Carlo says it felt like 7C+ on the ascent.
Grades are delicate matters but if we only base it on feelings and consensus, we will never get it right. We must include second opinions, facts and Time Comparison Grading analyses. A topo producer or 8a can not just wait until another five guys like Carlo has suggested another grade.
Already in March the topo producer Jamie Emerson speculated about Jade being 8B+. Now, Paul Robinson says he is OK with this. My point here is if Daniel Woods have suggested an 8B+ FA grade, probably all of the repeaters would have agreed on that in the same way they agreed on 8C.
If we think grades are important I think a slash grade 8B+/8C is appropriate but if we do NOT think grades are so important and accurate, I would go for Jamie Emerson gut feeling.
I would also like to underline that it is just natural that the FA’s can not get it right 100 %. Daniel Woods has been leading the pack by 12 first ascent boulders graded 8B+ to 8C+. He has a clean record showing that he is very capable of suggesting humble FA grades. He has been a true role model since he was 19-years-old!
two reactions: 1) “bro, whaaaaaaaaaat?” and 2) SCIENCE!!!!
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Tags: failing, the end
Categories : absurdity
we'll always have post #34
so. um. yeah.
this site, once home to my frustration with being a world-class rock-scaling machine, has – for the moment – passed into the interweb shadow world.
i’d like to thank all the readers, linkers, commenters, sponsors, and flamers who helped make this site one the most important blogs in the history of america.
indeed, with your support we helped push climbing standards forward by months, thought of new and better ways to win at life, and helped elect Obama. we also learned a thing or two about friendship along the way. and honesty. and ethics.
gah. we learned SOOOO much.
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Tags: clown shoes, sherma is king of the wolves, shirtless wolfmen, sonnie trotter is a werewolf
Categories : absurdity, competition, failure
worst clown name ever
while i had my reservations about watching a movie aimed squarely at 15 year old girls, i sometimes like to watch popular films so i can remind myself why i hate everyone (aside from all the perfectly rational objective reasons i garnered from my 37th reading of Ayn Rand’s Art Deco Rape Classic The Fountainhead).
for those who haven’t seen it, Twilight is a story about a family of clowns with super-powers who live with regular people outside the colorful confines of the circus. but rather than just transfix us with their silly antics (HOW DID THEY FIT ALL THOSE CLOWNS INTO THAT RANGE ROVER???!!!???), the central tension of the film is how clown/human love is ruined by the agonies of repressed sexual desire. it felt like watching a million clowns unsuccessfully trying to grab an out-of-control (i.e. “wacky”) water-hose.
in clown language that means😦 Read the rest of this entry »