what’s your stylee?: gruntasmagoria

22 04 2008

to start, it’s important we mention that a ‘stylee’ is just a really cool way to say “style”. of particular interest is the extra ‘e’, as it sometimes allows the speaker the extra time required to finish a sentence with the quite remarkable ‘double peace sign‘.

as in: “whoa dude… peep the style (insert hand gesture here) e.” the extra oomph! provided by this conversational assemblage should be self-evident.

with nomenclature out of the way, i am happy to introduce It Came from the Garage’s first thematic repeating post: what’s your stylee? this series is (and ostensibly will be) devoted to letting readers sound off about their particular “style” of doing things in climbing. for instance, do you dig a hole before you poo in the woods or do you just cover it in at-the-ready leaves? this would be an example of your “poo-stylee”. for the first week, however, i want to turn our focus from fecal matters to the more pressing issue of grunting. so, without further ado:

what’s your stylee?: gruntasmagoria

for my money, grunting is a crucial component of a) sending an otherwise impossible line and/or b) letting people know you’re trying an otherwise impossible line. as simple as grunting may sound, there are several different grunting styles which may be employed by the up and coming gruntologist:

1) the Sharmunt: this might be the most popular version of grunting. owing much of its success to the vocal stylings of Chris Sharma, the ‘Sharmunt’ is characterized by its Judo-esque battle tones: PYAT!!! it is critical the Sharmunt faithful begin and end their grunt with a sharp consonant and keep their overall delivery high in pitch. otherwise they run the risk of performing a Master P-unt. the Sharmunt is good for sending your hardest project in the most intense social situations (i.e. there are girls and/or photographers nearby).

2) the Master P-unt: this one is named after Master P, a rapper who gained famed in the late 1990’s. his most notable contribution to popular music are the phrases “Bout it, Bout it”, “Shana-na-na”, and the ubiquitous “ugh”. the last in this series is also a common type of grunt. similar in velocity to the Sharmunt, the Master P-unt is different in that it begins with a vowel and is deployed using a low guttural tone. more casual than the Sharmunt, the Master P-unt is a great way to let people know you’re trying without letting them know you actual care about failure.

3) the grunt of doom: we owe a debt to jason kehl for coming up with this -the most terrifying – grunt. the performance is simple: scream your fucking head off on anything that feels hard. this is my personal favorite as it tends to differ from person to person and actual does help you focus power. on the flipside, it scares children. but it is my belief that children should be tougher anyhow, and if we can find ways to shout them into adolescence then its just extra frosting on the cake.

4) squeallunking : also the product of Chris Sharma, squeallunking was developed as a way to cope with being way off the deck with little or no certainty of success. the highest pitched grunt of them all, squeallunking is best used to notify your spotters and onlookers that “yes, i’m way off the ground” without saying “hey, i’m terrified of being way off the ground”.

5) silence: this is clearly not a grunt, but in its ‘non-gruntiness” is – in a sense – a grunt. silence is best used when you want to focus on sending without trying to determine your particular grunt stylee. silence also begs the question of whether or not we grunt alone. and if we do not grunt alone, then why do we grunt when surrounded by our adoring friends (or our deplorable rivals)?

so what’s your grunt stylee? if you’re unsure, find a door jamb and try to rip off a one arm pull up. try hard and make a noise…then let us know what comes out.

-tissue

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2 responses

22 04 2008
tissuetendons

holy shit. i forgot to add the “gruntasm”. i’ll let your imagination drift on that one rather than explain it, but leaving it out would have been sacrilege.

28 04 2008
thereverend

the rebel yell: 1) used to intimadate the nemesis (or newly accosted foe) and to boost one’s own morale prior to or during a “send-attempt”. employed in the inexorable maelstrom of any number of attempts to “fire that rig”. not to be confused with the barbaric yawp, the rebel yell can be used in desperation and frustration, but
2) most often it is employed in the midnight hour during certain and foreseeable victory; often heard as a cry, “more, more, more.” (see billy idol)

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