lying about climbing

30 04 2008

i do it all the time. i mean, how else am I supposed to appear strong with zero effort? sure it’s dishonest. but if the goal is getting to the top and I can do it without climbing then it seems I am a better climber than the idiots who work tirelessly to do the exact same thing. the key, for me at least, is to set up my “big day” with a lot of “almost days” and “prep days” before dumping my spray load on everyone:

“so I got on Slider and it felt hard, but totally doable… ya know, I just need to train harder”: this is to let your friends know that you’re going to do it, but not without an appropriate level of work.

“dude i’ve been training really hard”: this lets them know you’ve put in some work.

“SO CLOSE ON SLIDER!!! WOOOOT!!!!11111”: this lets them know your work, well, worked. it also let’s them know you sometimes release the shift key at the end of long exclamations.

“Slider – 7C – Redpoint – Horsepens 40 – Three days of effort. Classic southern line. Must do! ***”
: this lets everyone on 8a know how badass you are. notice, however, the marked nonchalance of this victory post; crucial to covering up your weaksauce lying ass.

of course, if you’re out there NOT crushing hard lines in popular areas you run a chance of being seen NOT doing them. as an alternative you might try doing first ascents instead. then nobody can ever take away your glory that didn’t happen. personally, i prefer to post a bunch of “virtual” ascents of popular problems, so I can save the bigger numbered problems that I’m not going to do (or that don’t even exist) for FA spray.

but to each his/her own I guess.

i banged your mom,

tissue

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