rockclimbin’ with dudes

31 07 2008

sorry for the gap in rockclimbing posts.  we’ve been sulking as of late because our (collective) finger is hurt, and rockclimbing posts just make the pain burn that much deeper.  that and we seem to have ‘finishing’ block.  it’s like writer’s block, but with finishing.  we….  oh nevermind.

despite the block, we have managed to eek out a post this morning.  this gem is in response to a sendaustin! post regarding an allclimbing guest post.  the string of posts in question are all centered around girl/girl climber stereotypes (and thus also centered around their necessary antipode: male stereotypes), and the age-old question of when tongue in cheek tap dances are funny and when they are straight up problematic/fascistic.

personally, we’ve found that our faux-masculinist rants are not taken well by our female buddies.  but we’ve always chalked that up to their feeble woman minds.  zing.

as a response we’ve stitched together a list of reasons to climb with dudes.  you should read it/them. Read the rest of this entry »





on quality and difficulty

21 07 2008

one of the easiest ways to tell if you are a climbing dork is if you engage in inane conversations about seemingly insignificant aspects of climbing – incessantly- instead of climbing.  today, ICftG is proud to bring you one such inane conversation.

specifically, this article will deal with the phenomena of people rating difficult climbs as better, or of a higher quality  than the average problem- and i am talking about boulder problems here.  if i wanted to subject myself to the masochistic obsession that is red river gorge sportclimbing, then i would return tissue’s phone calls when he asks me to meet up with him on the weekends.  and since i don’t, i am unfamiliar with any of the grade debate and associated quality controversy that arises out of such climbs like ro shampo. …it’s .11d bitches.  editors note: it’s 12a.

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wombinatrix

19 07 2008

first of all, a wombination (or portmanteau) is a word-combination.  you take two words (typically an adjective and a noun), combine them, and let the cavalcade of awesomeness begin.  

wombinations – like most things associated with the cavalcade of awesomeness – are best served with virtual buddies.

to that end, this post is sorta sing-a-long-ish.  we’ve included some wombinations that we came up with this morning over coffee.  now it’s your turn.  grab yourself a cup of pipin’ hot joe and turn your brain to combination mode – that is, mombinate with that sucker.  

my mombinated wombinations are after the jump.  

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the logical operators post

15 07 2008

(if)

queen had written the top gun song “danger zone” instead of kenny loggins.

(and)

kenny loggins had written the ‘make total destroy’ song from iron eagle.  you know, the one the kid plays to get his mojo kickin’ whilst he kills non-specific commies/arabs in his stolen f-16 ‘fightin” falcon.

(then)

the top gun soundtrack would have had two good songs (including, of course, kenny loggins volleyball-driven man-love classic “playing with the boys”), and iron eagle would have ended early because – as we all know – it’s impossible to get your middle east death face on while rocking out to kenny loggins.  homoerotic beach sports are a go, but cold war killin’ just ain’t this guy’s forte.  behold:

Out along the edges 
Always where I burn to be 
The further on the edge 
The hotter the intensity 
Highway to the Danger Zone 
Gonna take you 
Right into the Danger Zone 
Highway to the Danger Zone 

see.  i mean, what super-badass takes a highway to the danger zone?  maybe i’m mistaken, but don’t killing machines make their own road?  seems kinda -not badass- to take the interstate to the “intensely hot edge” of the danger zone doesn’t it?  wouldn’t the asphalt melt?  and didn’t the bush administration set up a tax credit to ensure that this sort of road-following baddassedness was vanquished from the realm of possibility?  is a paragraph of questions still a paragraph? 
Read the rest of this entry »





the numbers game or a lapse in judgement

8 07 2008

we are proud to present a guest post from the one and only the reverend.  this post signifies the beginning of what we are calling “the summer of best content” summer content drive.  for the next few weeks look for exciting posts from all your favorite post authors as we plumb the depths of rockclimbing’s barren spiritual landscape.  ’til then, keep rockclimbing upwards!

-tissue

Here’s the spoiler of the article, right up front: my lapse in judgement was my short-sighted loss of this or that grade-attainment. Which brings me to the article. . .

Ever since I hurt my back in march, I haven’t been the same. Pre-hurt-back Phase (PhbP, not to be confused with PhbP: Post-hurt-back Phase -which I will get to soon enough), was the hardest I’d ever climbed.  Other climbers started to turn their heads when I was getting on a cool-looking problem or route to check out my sickness on the stone. My friends started getting jealous of what I was climbing (totally wishing that I would fall, just so they didn’t look so bad). And girls loved watching me climb with my shirt off. This one time a girl told me straight up to take my shirt off.  Nevermind that i was complaining about the intense spring heat while wearing a long sleeve thermal shirt; she wanted to see dem ‘gunz’.  Anyway, long-story short, I was the up-and-coming local badass.

Then came that damned POP! A strained muscle right in the middle of my back. It hurt like a b!tch. And did so for almost 2 weeks. To which I ponderously thought of as a good time to take a break.

Boy was i wrong.

Contrary to what “they” say, it is never a good time to take a break. You get weak. Period. Don’t believe otherwise.  If NOT climbing made you strong, gumbies would be rock gods.

Which brings me to PhbP (Post-hurt-back Phase). When i started back from 2 weeks off with no physical activity, I thought it would be a good time to regain the “joy” of climbing. Just to have fun and not worry about doing the next number in the V-scale, or breaking into the next number in the YDS (Yosemite Decimal System. They use it in rating routes… you know, unnecessarily long climby things… with ropes… and gear… Oh, never mind… You’re a boulderer aren’t you?!) Read the rest of this entry »





the inescapable fury of the strong kids

2 07 2008

having recently made my departure from that home base that is lexington, ky to the dark-energied city of louisville, i find myself climbing at a gym that is not my own– in that i didn’t design it, sweat over it, fret over the facets and pour my soul into it.  and it kind of sucks.

never in my life have i thought i was so freakin weak.  in fact, i thought i was kind of strong.  i just dropped like 15 pounds since my tenure as a student and am back to the ideal weight i had trouble even maintaining in high school.  now granted, some of that is the stout climbing muscle that i use to burl my way over problems like a tank over a half dilapidated building, but still-  i should, theoretically, be climbing pretty damn strong.  so why is everyone at the gym stronger than me?  and not just stronger than me, obviously better than me; as in better form.  i have never met so many damn people who can hand-foot match up by their chest and somehow float from hold to hold like dave graham!  where are all my sharma-esque peeps popping and catching like real men?

i suppose i should be happy.  better climbers help motivate me, and in the southeast finding a large population in one place that can warm up on V7 can be difficult.  but i never thought i would climb with so many damn people who can do V8/9 moves so freakin easily.

and i can’t even use the ‘but i’m short’ excuse!  which is to say many, many of the problems have obviously been set by people with fairly substantial wingspans- considerably larger than mine.  but the one person who is quite a bit shorter than me also happens to crush said problems.  i digress. Read the rest of this entry »