the logical operators post

15 07 2008

(if)

queen had written the top gun song “danger zone” instead of kenny loggins.

(and)

kenny loggins had written the ‘make total destroy’ song from iron eagle.  you know, the one the kid plays to get his mojo kickin’ whilst he kills non-specific commies/arabs in his stolen f-16 ‘fightin” falcon.

(then)

the top gun soundtrack would have had two good songs (including, of course, kenny loggins volleyball-driven man-love classic “playing with the boys”), and iron eagle would have ended early because – as we all know – it’s impossible to get your middle east death face on while rocking out to kenny loggins.  homoerotic beach sports are a go, but cold war killin’ just ain’t this guy’s forte.  behold:

Out along the edges 
Always where I burn to be 
The further on the edge 
The hotter the intensity 
Highway to the Danger Zone 
Gonna take you 
Right into the Danger Zone 
Highway to the Danger Zone 

see.  i mean, what super-badass takes a highway to the danger zone?  maybe i’m mistaken, but don’t killing machines make their own road?  seems kinda -not badass- to take the interstate to the “intensely hot edge” of the danger zone doesn’t it?  wouldn’t the asphalt melt?  and didn’t the bush administration set up a tax credit to ensure that this sort of road-following baddassedness was vanquished from the realm of possibility?  is a paragraph of questions still a paragraph? 
  

this editorial moment of rockclimbing-related clarity is brought to you by our future rockclimbing-related sponsors:

you might be asking yourself “dude, WTF does this have to do with the rockclimbings?” or “where are the rockclimbings?” or “why no rockclimbings?”.

we here at icftg think its cute when we have you ask yourself rhetorical questions with unnecessary pluralization.  we also have an answers:  

despite the fact that a ‘top gun’ boulder (with problems like maverick, goose, iceman, and kelly mcgillis overdrive) would be super-dope, kenny loggins is NOT dave graham, and a whimsical fugue on two airplane-related cold war propaganda films has nothing to do with the flurry of big-send action going on in RMNP.  

in other words, this post isn’t about rockclimbing.  

but worry not my rocktuggin’ virtual buddies, for i promise i will not stray too far from the stones and bolts.  i pinky swear.

-tissue tendons

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2 responses

16 07 2008
lordcaffeine

Admit it! You have a whole iPod worth of Loggins to get you psyched to pull down!

26 03 2009
the one year anniversary post « It Came from the Garage

[…] logical operators […]

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