the politics of grading: brangelina grocery conundrum

24 11 2008

usangelina-jen

grading is funny.  hilarious, even.  most rockclimbers agree grades are super-subjective, and yet they all maintain a firm commitment to getting them “right”.  it’s like standing in line at the grocery arguing about what jennifer aniston ‘really’ thinks about brad pitt.  there simply is no right answer people (except for ‘she still loves him’).  why?  because we all interpret the pictures of these super-hawt megastars differently.  sure, we can all agree that angelina jolie is a crazy-hawt, terribly-vile, home-wrecking temptress, but the pictures of brad and jennifer are filled with an uncertain whimsy; a trace of longing in jen’s eyes mixed with brad’s love for shaking children render these almost illegible.  spellbinded, we can but speculate on their true feelings.  but for some, speculatings are not enough; people must set forth the really real relations, impose their grocery-line psychoanalytics on the world. 

and do we not do the same at the crag, by the boulders, in the gym?  are rockclimbings really just a big grocery store line in the woods?  will brad and jennifer get back together or will ultimate evil triumph (again)?  are brad and jennifer doomed because their names wombinate poorly?  (beniffer?  no thanks.)

add to this whole fantasy the attachment of people’s ego, and what you have is a full-fledged disaster stuck somewhere between an altruistic search for the ‘truth’ and people humping huge rocks that double as penis measuring devices.

it’s sad.  rocks are so big; way too big to measure a penis.  in my mind there are one or two (3?) solutions:

1) climb on smaller rocks.  penis size is like totally relational.

2) grow bigger penises.  this would make everyone more comfortable i think.  plus it would proly help with this whole recession thing.  never discount the impact of several larger phalli.

3) stop measuring penises.  i mean god didn’t invent pants for nothing, right?

god invented pants.  heh.

-tissue

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2 responses

25 11 2008
peter b

“Spellbinded”? Is it that time of the semester already?

26 03 2009
the one year anniversary post « It Came from the Garage

[…] brangelina grading post […]

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