potent reminder: climbing is still fun

25 01 2009

fun-1

it’s easy to forget.  as climbers we can be a bit ridiculous.  i mean, we set weekly limits on beer consumption and we run ‘laps’ on the uber-boring (but super-pumpy) blue problem at the gym so we can get better at something that will only leave us wanting – no craving – the razor’s edge of failure/victory that started the whole blue problem beer avoidance ploy in the first place.  argh.  like a mobius strip that makes me really really thirsty.

and when we’re not climbing?  it almost worse: we constantly think about moves on problems we can almost definitely do (the next time the temps are good and we get some rest and our tips heal), we plan new, more sinister, ways to get our ‘fast twitch’ muscle fibers running on all cylinders, and we have unsolvable – yet hilariously heated – conversations about ethics and grades with other people who are – like us- just trying to get through another day of not climbing (while having desk jobs with *cough* computer access).

it’s kinda a lot to deal with sometimes; so much that the intangibles that make climbing great can become – well – really intangible.  like f*$&#ing invisible even.

so after a month of either being in the gym, on the x box, or in a bar it is very nice to get out into some of the nature and confirm climbing is indeed really fun.  it really is.  my pal patrick and i put up three fun ‘new’ lines on solid morehead rock, worked on a few projects (that confirmed the winter fatness has yet to melt away), and laughed at how cold it was (28).

so just to reitterate: climbing is really fun.

fo realzies.

-tissue





killing time: halo 3 versus rockclimbings

13 01 2009

halo3_0022006925105551

i f$&#*#ing hate winter.  there is no sun.  it’s cold.  i f#&@&@ing hate it.  hate.  hate.  hate.  hate.

last winter i skipped out on all the hatred and headed to tucson for some pre-dementia snowbird weather.  ah…mid 70’s, sunny, and dry:  just what the doctor ordered.  yes – yes – yes.  while out in the sonoran desert i was able to climb 4 days a week, swim in my apartment-side pool, and pack in the grins every morning with a blast of sunshine and orange juice.

this winter?  no smiling.   not even a wry smirk.  in fact, i’m taking swings at a symbolic face that doesn’t even exist.  haymakers, dude.  wild disconnected haymakers.

but since i can’t punch old man winter in his stupid depressing face, i’ve decided to go on a killing spree…..  in a game called halo 3.

as many of you can probably infer, halo 3 is the follow-up to the highly succesful halo 2 – itself a follow-up to the big-time success-ridden game halo (1).  to recap:  halo (1) begat halo 2 begat halo 3.  in the last chapter of this trilogy, you control a guy and run around shooting people in the face as much as possible.  it’s great fun; because 1) killing virtual people you don’t know throws the basic tenets of karma into an irresolvable tailspin, and 2) nothing beats having a 7 year old telling you to “kill yourself” because “you suck so bad i can feel the universe wobble”.

internet culture has made american kids so savvy.  nuanced even.

so anyhow, instead of shooting people on this dark and gloomy winter morning i decided to make a list comparing the game halo 3 and rockclimbings.

in other words, IS IT SPRINGTIME YET??!?!?!?!??!?!?

F*@&$*@*(#*@*@**@*$K!!!!!!!!!

Read the rest of this entry »





as the world turns: rockclimbing with gravity

6 01 2009

2004-0423gravity-lg

yes.  gravity is terribly burdensome.  it makes it hard for even the most nimble rockclimber to achieve total victory over rock conquesting.  from the floppy haired antics of that sherma guy to the muscle-free magic of that ondra kid we are all victims of gravity’s invisible horror.

and while we are all repeatedly crushed by it, there is nobody who hates gravity more than I.  since i was a wee boy, gravity has haunted my every action, forever lurking in the shadows of my perpendicular dreams; horizontalizing them.  horizontalizing me.

this is not surprising.  for according to my scientific staff, i am the heaviest rockclimber in the history of the world.  in fact, at a mind-boggling 175 pounds i am almost unable to walk due to the intense pressure gravity exerts on my feet.

this is why i lay down when i train.  it’s not that i’m unmotivated.  no, quite the contrary:  it’s because gravity has me pinned down.

pinned down, i say.

pinned down by gravity.

but like all great internet rockclimbers i find a way to cope – a way to persevere – a way to fight for what’s right.  yes, despite my weight impairment, i still find ways to win.

you might be saying to yourself “wow.  this guy is sure packing in the wins against gravity.  how does he do it?  how?!?!?!”

and i’m all like “dooooooooood.  like this.”

um, dude, like this: Read the rest of this entry »





8a Rehab: Escaping the Ideological Control of Jens

2 01 2009

rehab_large

i’m a quitter.  in junior high i quit the football team.  as a 90lb bone pile i was literally unable to tackle anyone, which left me in the unenviable role of the runner (or a running back if you prefer i lay this out in proper sport terms).  and while i enjoyed a good jog as much as the next kid,  i didn’t much fancy trying to avoid amped-up 2 ton meatheads hellbent on breaking me.  i’d often try to reason with my gridiron colleagues- “hey we’re on the same team, no?”- only to anger them further with my highbrow “pussy talk”.  but i was okay with being shunned by the football team;  because unless i was planning on a 10-to-life prison tenure, being manhandled three times a week didn’t seeem like very useful training for anything.

and here i am 15 years later ready to quit again.  that’s right gentle reader: i’m quitting 8a.   Read the rest of this entry »