great scott!: injury, time machines, and saving peter’s shoes

2 03 2009

sky_high-1

there have been a lot of excellent posts recently covering the interwoven complexities of injury, depression, and climbing addiction.  in this pursuit (aka rockclimbings) we all walk a fine line between being hurt and being our best, and so it comes as no surprise that we sometimes lose our footing and fall to the side of injury.  i just want to take a moment to remember our sidelined friends and wish them a super-speedy recovery.  having been on the ‘bench’ several seasons myself, i can whole-heartedly empathize with the trauma of sitting around rehabbing while friends are out killing it. worry not my gimpy compadres; you’ll be out there again soon.

but in the meantime i recommend the following: 1) a netflix account: nothing makes not climbing better than watching the first season of Heroes or every episode of Battlestar Galactica in a few days.  the hangover is pretty bad, but the memories last forever.  plus, this offers you plenty of sitting time to do MacLeod’s finger bath.  2)  an xbox 360: i know it’s kinda alot of money, but killing virtual people is ridiculous fun AND is – in my experience – awesome for rehabbing finger tweaks (but NOT awesome for tendonitis).  and if you don’t like killing there are plenty of weak-minded puzzle games available through the arcade. 3) the internet: because it’s fun to look at videos of Hueco when you’ve just polished off season 4 of Scrubs, your leg is broken, and it’s 12 degrees outside.

i think these suggestions are helpful in a  ‘if i’m not thinking about it, it must not be happening kinda of way’.  but i was watching Back to the Future II yesterday. and. from what i could gather, building a time machine would be far more helpful.  like in a ‘wow i just totally changed the present with my kooky dr. friend’ kinda of way.  with a DeLorean, some number of giga-watts, and a flux capacitor you could head back to the moment just before you tied in, jumped, crimped, slapped, threw, slotted, twisted, jammed, sprained, popped, ripped, and crushed whatever and not jump, crimp, slap, throw, slot, twist, jam, sprain, pop, rip, or crush whatever.  dood, like, um, problem solved.  how do i know?  because if Marty McFly can get his uber-dorky dad hooked up with Lorraine AND get him in a position to open a can of whoop ass on Biff Tannen…..  anything is possible.

but seriously.  a time machine would be awesome because climbing – more so than any other activity i’ve encountered – is packed full of what i call “time machine moments”.  you may be asking yourself, “WTF is a time machine moment dood?”  in response to your query, i’ll give you a non-climbing example:

a wee-little argument has sprung up between you and your lover/partner/co-dependent.  the two of you are bickering about something simple, something probably not worth discussing seriously much less yelling about, and then for some reason you take it to the next level.  ya bump it up a notch.  why?  because you’re an idiot.  there you were talking about whether or not the cheese on Cheetos was ‘real’, and the next thing you know the person you’re sleeping with is calling your mom – who they otherwise love – terrible things unbefitting a mother.  this is some inexplicable escalation, and at this point you are faced with an impossible situation 1) you are mad, 2) you do not want to be/can never be wrong, 3 ) you are clearly wrong, and 4) your mate is blasting you in the face with a bag of munchies….covered in obviously fake cheese.   shoulda, coulda, woulda are fine ways to beat yourself up over something you can’t fix, but s**t is broke and you desperately need to get back to the moment before your evil candor won out over your moral compass.  and the only way to do that?  time machine (or time travel powers, i suppose).  hence, time machine moment.

it’s funny, you know, to think about time travel in the context of climbing as it might also be/have been/will be helpful for preventing the war on ter(ror), stopping the current economic turd-fest, and/or halting the theatrical release of Tango and Cash.  but really.  when you sit down and think about, are these as important as climbing with a time machine?  i mean, imagine the paradoxical implications of you jumping out of nowhere to spot yourself on a highball you climbed in 2005; of Peter Beal handing Peter Beal the shoes Peter Beal dropped last week.; of  heading to the future only to find that you have *gasp!* NOT climbed v13 (as you had planned).  this is serious stuff.  time-space continuum?  the existence of the universe?  Peter’s shoes?

no dear reader; climbing with a time machine is crazy serious and…um…stuff.

-tissue

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4 responses

3 03 2009
Sara

hey! so nice to stumble across your blog, and thank you for the link! I look forward to reading more……… and thank goodness for my netflix account…….

3 03 2009
thereverend

i just HULU. for now anyway.

4 03 2009
peter beal

I’m giving up and ordering a new pair. I do wish I could hand myself back my shoes but not at the price of not doing V13. I am building a time machine in the basement however. Photos to follow…

26 03 2009
the one year anniversary post « It Came from the Garage

[…] before now to read the stuff posted prior to the present.  unless of course they read my post on time machines, then made a time machine, then read this, then went back to read the things prior to now, then […]

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