learning things about stuff

14 04 2009
horses and hearts?  i

horses and hearts? now that is a ladies lady. i'd imagine there is probably a herd of mustangs enroute to their local country-western bar as i speak.

i’ve learned two things this week:

1) ‘the guy’ is not a douche bag.  i just talked to him on the phone and it turns out that we were arguing about completely different things.  like star wars aficionados discussing the ins and outs of space physics with trekkies, neither one of us really had a clue which space the other was referring to.  and by space i mean context and not the dark stuff in the sky that surrounds heaven.  and by heaven i mean the cloud city where jesus lives.  ah.  so much magic and so little time.  /sniffle.

so, yes, it seems the guy had been given some terribly inaccurate information about yours truly and – like so many interweb squabbles – it kinda got outta hand.  in fact, after a whopping hour-long conversation it turns out ‘the guy’ is really nice and very cool.  this just goes to show – AGAIN – turn based email doesn’t really allow for the same amount of conversational complexity as a live conversation.  i know.  i’m as shocked as you are.  edit: for some awesome lulz about interweb flamings check this out. NSFW.

2) kentucky bouldering season, like so many niche retail stores, has officially closed.  why you ask?  while i would like to blame this on obama and his economy mauling buddies leo tolstoy and karl marx,  i fear i cannot.  mostly because his buddies are long dead, and obama himself is about as marxist as a bus full of young republicans.  the only difference?  obama probably doesn’t tell ‘black’ jokes when nobody is around to cry foul.  but if he does – wow – that would be totally f***ing awkward for his staffers.  

so bouldering is kaput, donezo, meh. pft. blah.   it’s over people.  why?  because i climbed on sunday and all my projects felt harder rather than easier.  if 3 days off, 8 hours of sleep, and an awesome breakfast don’t make climbing feel totally pwnable then it must be nature’s fault.  or patrick’s; seeing as how zombie jesus day forced him into family eating rituals rather than rock-humping glory time.  kinda hard to send when you don’t a have a friend there to watch your back on sandy topouts and antagonize you when you bitch about your finger/knee/back/elbow/shoulder/skin.  not to mention the fact that it’s hard to have ‘rap battles’ in the solo.

so technically the last day of the bouldering season was last thursday: *cue dream squiggles and/or wavering memory cloud graphics*:

there we were in the woods.   check that.  there we were around the corner from a roadcut about 30′ from a major interstate highway.  perfect.  nothing like the sound of commodities being hauled from chicago to atlanta to get you really excited about nature.  and if the sound doesn’t do it for you, there’s always the smell.

sure this place was no Zion, but we weren’t there for the scenery – we were there for the mega-classic line.  and we found it.


cowgirl (v8) features a two foot long pull to a jug off micro crimps in a face.  and when you finally stick ‘the move’ you drop off to pads.  hubba hubba hubba.  in addition, the problem is surrounded by a field of now-greening poison ivy, involves jumping a barb-wire ‘deer’ fence, and almost-always promises an ‘about to tow your car’ sticker from the state police.   add to this a decided lack of warmups and only one more worthwile problem and what you have is a terrible rockclimbing zone.  nonetheless, i spent 3 hours trying (the) one move on a one-move problem over and over and over and over again.  pretty simple: grab bad crimps, focus, pull, grab jug.

patrick sent.  i failed.

but what really stands out is not that patrick beat me to the punch or that i’m going to have to (re)jump the fence next season so i can tick off this unquestionable classic, but that i had about as much fun climbing this total turd as i would have climbing anything else.

so here’s to total turds.  may we send them all next year.





5 responses

14 04 2009

Just tryin to get this straight:
1. The guy is cool. Not much of a writer, but cool.
2. Internet sucks, because it’s not fair to people who can’t write real good.
3. You enjoy climbing road cut despite the fact you seemingly suck at it.
4. the kentucky bouldering season is over, though why is somewhat elusive.

I hope to baby jesus that it’s only your season that’s over rather than THE season. Remember, I am counting on Kentucky to solve just about every problem in my life when I go there in about six weeks. And for that to happen, the climbing has to be at least as awesome as the pretty pictures I’ve seen.

15 04 2009

1) yes
2) not really sure about this one. i’d say it’s fair enough. the problem with fighting on the internet is twofold for me: 1) people tend to say things they wouldn’t say in real life, and 2) you can read ALOT of things into statements that were never intended.
3) i wasn’t climbing roadcut. i was climbing next to roadcut.
4) it’s over because all my projects require better than perfect friction. to be honest, i’ll probably tick a few more before the temps sneak into the 80s, but the ‘totally awesome’ part of the bouldering season is definitely behind us.

you need not worry steve. the kentucky ‘climbing’ season is a year round affair. in 6 weeks your life will indeed be made complete.

and if you toss me an email maybe we can hang, and i can show you how much endurance i have at the moment. *TAKE!*

15 04 2009

ahhhh, music to my ears.

And indeed, hanging there will be, in my harness. I’ve heard things about, not sure if this is right, overhanging jug hauls? Not sure how this is gonna fit with my specialty: 40 feet vertical crimp fests with cruxes below the first bolt. Any of those around?

Anyway, I’ll definitely drop you a mail. I’ll exchange some local beta for, I dunno, some brushing up on your french, or some random conversation about Derrida (yes, I had to read him in French, and yes it’s much worse, and come to think of it, I don’t remember any of it, so forget that). Allrighty, back to Call of Duty 4 (I have to bring it back tomorrow, and then I’ll start training for sure).

15 04 2009
16 04 2009

You know what would be sweet? An extended conversation about Derrida and literary theory based on the only thing I remember from reading the dude 7+ years ago: the word “binary.”

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