what apocalypse?: bolts, beers, and bob marley

30 04 2009


the world hangs on the precipice of doom.  the economy is in shambles, robots are competing in jeopardy, and a pork-based epidemic is sweeping across the globe.  the last gasps of humanity flicker like whispers in th…. *wait a minute.  what’s that you say?  sport climbing?  at the red?  for a few months?  dude, i’m so in.*

yes, no matter how bad the news/interwebs/rioting mobs suggest things might have gotten, there always seems to be enough rogue capital to allow 30-40 people a chance to climb every day and chillax every night at miguel’s.  and by chillax i mean drink beer, smoke generic cigarettes, and play bob marley songs on an out-of-tune acoustic guitar.  *hey brah, can you please play redemption song…… again?* in fact, if i were an economist i’d organize my entire prospective econometric on the number of beer bottles in the recycling bin out back.  and based on my most recent study?:

we’re all gonna be fine. 2.7 billion thousand million empty beer bottles tell a story the so-called ‘experts’ have completely missed.  *hiccup*

it’s a story of convictions.  convictions to send.  routes.  and then later?  drink beer.  yes, when the going gets tough, the tough get going – to the red – to sport climb and make repeated (but totally necessary) runs to the beer store.

it’s a story of training.  getting in 10-15 pitches.  climbing until your skin is on fire and your body feels like refried poo, and then rolling by the beer store so you can head to miguel’s for a little r and r.  and by r and r i mean beer, and, of course, going to bed dirty.

but mostly it’s a story about not giving up.  unless, of course, it’s really scary.  then you just yell take and go bolt to bolt.  later, after a few beers, you can recount in harrowing detail the 35′ whipper you almost (but didn’t quite) take.

rope season ftw.


for non-beer training tips read this….




2 responses

30 04 2009
Steve in burbland

“getting 10-15 pitches” ?!?

You mean in a whole week?

Woa dude, I think I’ll just stay around here after all. What with that video of people taking like real falls, and then all that stuff about being able to climb for like a really really long time…

30 04 2009

check that: really really really long time…. like, so long.

and stuff.

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