enemy mine: spurt climbin’ ethic time

12 05 2009


sometimes i wake up and think to myself “where am i?”  and then i’m all like “AHA!!!”  that’s because i know where i am AND i like to let myself know with exclamatronics.  and, yes, i sometimes make up cool words to describe the banal.  ima banalinator.

whoops, i did it again.

but normally i wake up and think “time to go back to sleep”.  but i have to pee – like bad – and that tends to derail any sort ‘back to’, except ‘back to’ the bathroom.    that or i can get my ‘dream pee’ on.  and we all know how well that works.  but back when i was a corporate winner/office-haver i loved waking up, peeing real fast like, and hurrying to the office to get mai shave on.  here’s a little video me and my shave buddies threw together:

what can i say?  that’s how i used to roll.  this is, coincidentally, also how i was freed from the Matrix.  red pill?  no thanks.  blue pill?  nah.  leather dress shave-fest?

um, yes.  *home alone after-shave mirror scream* let’s see how far down the rabbit hole goes…

but now that i’m a bit older and my extreme lathering days are behind me, i wake up and think “i’m going to ponder some sort of unimportant ethical stance”.  last week it was second wave feminism (no, boob jobs are not empowering, unless you’re trying to convince hetero doods of…..*wait, what were you saying?  nevermind.  it doesn’t matter.  cuz the answer is totally YES*.

but this week i’m thinking about sport climbing ethics.  most people who don’t have a clue what is reaaaallllyy going on think there are no ethics for the sporto scenester.  they think it’s all about looking good, eating apples between burns, and finding no-hands rests on enduro routes.  oh, wait.  sorry.  just checked my notes.  it IS all about looking good, eating apples between burns, and finding no-hands rests on enduro routes.  my bad.

but we also have the following ethical quandaries:

1) going ground up every time.  this is important.  i don’t know why, but i do it anyway.  i must’ve read it in a mag a few years back.  anyhow.  yeah.  i get my mean on every time i tie in.  and if i fall?  i close my eyes on the lower and then i get my mean on again.  like a champion.

2) not using a stick clip.  this is a heartbreaker because i have, like, SO MANY stickers on my stick.  maybe i can take a picture of it, get a sticker made, and slap it on my water bottle.  would that be cheating?  /sigh.  so much gray.  so much gray.

3) clipping two at the chains.  i always do this unless i can’t.  one and done?  pft.  pigsteak of rrc.com fame explains:

Picture 7

exactly.  i don’t lie to myself.  and neither should you.  except after sex.

because even if they fall out of bed laughing ask you to call yourself a taxi asap, deep down you should know they really thought you were the best ever.





4 responses

12 05 2009
peter beal

The term “s**ve buddies” is so depraved, I think the Interweb is still trembling from your using it.

12 05 2009

Ethics???? freakin ethics???? You’re making my RRG vacation sound less and less like a… vacation (and I even rented a cabin. Imagine that).

now answer me this: how is a stick clip different from a spotter? and how is my uber-cool 13 feet stick clip different than, say, a linebacker spotter?

I agree about clipping both chains; I always clip the second while I grab the first.

13 05 2009

no worries steve. ethics are only something that happens on the internets. plus, if you got a cabin at torrent (please say you did) then there shant be anyone around to send you ethical mental vibrations in the first place.

13 05 2009

i wonder what ‘they’ would say if s/he found out i skipped a clip on that one route at that one crag: you know, the one everybody skips..

instant illegitimization.

i like skipping clips becos sometimes they are just too damn close and sometimes i kinda want to get more than 2 or 3 (sometimes 4 even!) moves in before having to clip yet another fecking bolt. not all the time of course, and just sometimes it just feels good to keep climbing, even if it’s past a hard clip.
that’s my excuse any way, but really deep down i should know that it was b/c i would have been too pumped to finish if i had stopped -or would only have been able to clip one at the chains… i should know better.

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