champ pants: dreams can happen

16 05 2009

mammut champ pants: modern day nobility trousers?

omg.  finally.  this just goes to show that if you try hard enough, train long enough, and give it your all – you can get yourself some really amazing king-pants….. for right around $150.00.  i know, right?  B-A-R-G-A-I-N-!!!!!!!!

and i guess if was in the market for some pants that said “i win at pant wearing AND i’m running up a credit card in anticipation of a consumer debt bailout”  i’d have to wrangle me up some of these high brow thigh veneers.  anything less would be second place.  or worse: third.  *yack*  uhg.  sorry.  mediocrity makes me nauseous. 

ωait, you’re not sold?  really?  champ pants?  no?

but, but, but… according to mammut, these britches are crazy useful.  they’re optimized for stuff.  optimized for championing, see?:

Optimally suitable for
Multipitch Rockclimbing, Expeditions, Classical Alpinism
Suitable for
Skitouring / Backcountry Skiing, Travel, Sportsclimbing, Mountain Hiking, Backpacking

hrm.  now who was being silly?    suitable for sportsclimbing AND travel?  like super-underwear, but with a mastodon patch on em.  bling!

if you’re still not convinced – here are more reviews:

From RockCreek:

“Mammut’s Champ Pants are made for winners…”

From REI:

“…zippered baffle ventilates lower legs.”

From Alltrec:

“…a zip ankle cuff with gusset allows for a boot…”

i stopped reading at ‘made for winners’.  it reminded me of me.  you know how i roll.  like this:


me and erin bar winning back in the regular pant days (regular pants not shown)

obviously with america being packed-full of so many little champions, these totally epic pants of valorous redemption were bound to generate a huge following.  so i wasn’t very surprised when i discovered this intimidating thread on an alaskan hunting site.

here is a sample:

Kahahawai: i would still use the mammuts [champ pants] for early season sheep hunts but for sept. hunts i’d go with the gamma pants by Arteryx

1991-MW: Arteryx? Great stuff, but I wouldn’t give them my support. I have heard they take a pretty hard stance against hunters…

Kahahawai: Yeah, thats what I hear about all those type of manufacturers, but it makes me feel good to get blood all over their gear and post the pictures all over the internet, it makes them even more furious!! especially when their products aided in a good hunt.

As Far as Arcteryx though, I have heard mixed stories, that their designer, I’m assuming Canadian, was involved in the design of sitka gear, not sure how true that is, but oh well. I tell you one thing for sure, I won’t buy Patagonia, I only have it because it was free, and its just the capilene stuff.

yeah!  woo!  bleed on it!  take that you capilene-lovin’ hippies!  may the blood of the beast sour your heart and…um… make you “even more furious”!  aha!  charge!

champions are so cute when they are absurdly vindictive.

-tissue ‘bleeds on his petzl harness’ tendons




4 responses

16 05 2009

victory… total win!

(word in the woods is they’ll even hide your champ pants tent, if ever you were to be so embarrassed)

16 05 2009

people who wear champ pants procreate with their minds. so i dont think we need to worry about any ‘tents’, so to speak.

17 05 2009

Nobility trousers. No wonder i get treated like old goldline. Tt you number 10 !

25 05 2009
sock hands

i’ve been looking for pantelones to wear that are flexible and abrasion resistent when i stalk and kill people who toss lit butts out their car windows.. these shizez are the ticket! do they have ‘rip hearts out’ gloves too?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: