not climbing?: keep being awesome

23 06 2009


i currently can’t climb.  not because i have 3 wounded fingers (i do) and not because my sponsor stipends have run dry (technically they can’t), but because my heart is broken.  that’s right; rockclimbing broke my heart.  not in the way that angelina jolie broke my heart when she wooed brad pitt away from rachel jennifer aniston.  nope.  in this case, rockclimbing with a viral infection made my heart muscle get all inflamed.  hearts afire!

so what?

now i have to sit here and recover while all the hard new lines go down in RMNP instead of climbing soft 12’s while all the hard new lines go down in RMNP.  and by sitting here i totally mean being “awesome!”.

scare quotes are intentional.  sitting is never awesome.

boo hoo.  at least my pulleys might heal.



innovation friday: harness pants

12 06 2009


the other day i was out climbing with my bros; a veritable who’s who of people i know.  okay, maybe i’m exaggerating a bit.

it was just me and aaron.

anywho.  we had just been to the ‘lode’ to get our pump on *spray’d* and we decided to head somewhere else for a warmdown.  and there we were standing under this 5.9+ (which is really a 10a!) talking about how dumb everyone is and how cool we are for allowing them all to live, when all of a sudden i had the best idea ever: harness pants.

it’s a classic american 2 for 1.  i’ll explain.  take two things that are seperate and sew them together!  1+1 = 2!  it’s crazy!  we wear pants to climb?  we wear harnesses to climb?  they both go on our legs?  OMFG!!!   HARNESSPANTS!!!!

even got ourselves a slogan: “harness the posspantsibilities”

if you happen to own a harness corporation, a pant company, or some sort of weird post modern hybrid and you would like to reach me for more details….

there aren’t any.  harness pants.  make it happen.  chop chop.


sportclimbing is like Rogue from X-Men

9 06 2009

someone is gettin' their Gambit on

dude.  it took my powers.  no, not my awesome blog-based super-ego.  nope.  it took my rockclimbings powers.

seriously.  building up an endurance base (20-30 pitches a week of 10c-11c for almost 2 months)  has really put a damper on my “explosive” power and “tepid to lukewarm” strength.

how do i know?  i just finished my winter hangboard/front lever workout and…..  i’m total weaksauce.  can’t do a front lever (it’s not like riding a bike oddly enough) and had to drop 30 lbs off my crimp/pull-up regimen.

i really didn’t see this coming.  if i was a poorly written character in a college/frat movie, i’d go on a binge drinking/public harrasment rampage to prove i’m still a virile stud. *WHO’S THE P**SY NOW MOTHER F**KERS!!!??!?!?!*

but i’m not.  so i blogged it.

*sigh*  virility lose.

-t “i shoulda seen this coming?” t

things i hate: hatred

4 06 2009

landlines. omg. the 90's were hell.

i was rereading my post from yesterday and i think i might have jumped the gun a bit.  i mean, sure, i’ve been totally shut down on two three ‘bouldery’ routes in the last few weeks, and sure it makes me wanna rethink my strate..

*rage blackout*

what was i talking about?

oh, right.  hatred.  yeah.  it’s wrong.  especially in climbing.  because it’s all like about being with nature.  not like sexually.  natural sex is gross.  but like, you know, getting all in-the-flow with flowers and dirt and stuff is pretty good.  like the new prana look.  it’s so with nature because it’s all about doing natural stuff…. IN nature.  look after the jump: Read the rest of this entry »

things i hate: bouldery routes

3 06 2009


i am not really a breakdancer.  i am a boulderer. *SURPRISE!*  white, american. hetero, male, boulderer.  i know because it says so on the ‘contact information’ card in my Trapper Keeper ©.  right under the part where my mom wrote: “believe in yourself pookie!”.

thanks mom.  pookie did.  until he started trying to climb ‘bouldery routes‘. Read the rest of this entry »

breakdancings pwns rockclimbings

2 06 2009

hipsters back when they were just realsters

1) break dancing allows me to strain fingers while pushing down instead of pulling down.  earth shattering.

2) in break dancing i get to tell you when you suck rather than give you a false sense of hope: i.e. “you’ve got it next go for sure!”

3) i get to wear this fuzzy white kangol hat.  yeah, that’s right.  i’m wearing it right now.

4) breaking is better than rockclimbings because all its film representations are choreographed and performed by professionals (who are responsible for many 6 step variations in several states) rather than noobsauce gumbies who do double dynos with cams hanging out of their mouths.  cam mouth.  pft.

5) there aren’t grades in breaking.  it works off a binary: win/lose.

6) awesome nicknames.  like t-biz the whiz shiz.  but better.

7) no bugs at the breaking crag.

8 ) developing new moves doesn’t lead to illegible flamings from Ken Swift.

9) there aren’t any ethics which require me to take 30 foot whippers.

10) i don’t know any break dancers.

-t riz the miz kaliz