sharma vs. ondra: bromancing the stone

24 08 2009


the above title is so good i almost forgot what i was doing, but then i (re)read the title and remembered:  i can read.  and then i i remembered this post is about love, rockclimbers, and a showdown of epic proportions.

if you’re keeping track at home: that’s two birds and only a single stone.  efficiency; welcome to america.  we came up with it.

indeed.  this post is about the ultimate climbingsman entanglement: chris “zen crusher” sharma and adam “i don’t know anything about him other than he climbs real good” ondra.  and i gotta be honest here, i’m not sure who is going to win:

Hair: both have an interesting mane.  curly vs.  straight.  from a guy’s perspective it is an obvious tie.  the math was simple:  hair = hair.  but i talked to a few ladies and they suggest this one goes to sharma because they want to “bury [their] faces in [it].”  f’in gross.  sharma +1

Clothes: tie.  they wear the same prana suit to work everyday.  earth tones.  year round.  count on it.  i

Visual Acuity: sharma.  the ondra kid wears glasses.  sharma is a visionary.  this is true because i heard it on a video.  i mean, dude, sharma was in a fucking helicopter looking for lines.  if that’s not visionary practice then, well, there is no such thing.   sharma +1

Fighting: no way to know.  rockclimbers are mentally incapable of violence.  except when someone 1) climbs “their” proj, 2) talks shit about them on a message board, 3) climbs a line in any way not sorted out by the FA party, 4) sleeps with their girlfriend/boyfriend.

Dancing: i’ve got a feeling sharma probably does that whole phish-fan white-seizure thing.  it’s like wiggling, but worse.  add that to ondra being a “euro” and what you have is some points for the kid.   ondra +5.

add ’em up.


return to the fray: the fray return post

5 08 2009
look how much i've aged.  scareeeee.

look how much i've aged. scareeeee.

you know what really gets me amped to write about rockclimbing.  besides winning world cup events, putting up mind blowing first ascents, and designing my own line of climbing pants/shorts/jackets?


not climbing stats (5.12c/v8).  no.  i don’t care about achievement on rock anymore because i’m into enlightenment.  and i’m like WAAAAYYY good at it too.  i’d explain, but you probably wouldn’t understand.

no, when i say stats i mean important stuff like interweb hits and offsite links.  you know, business.  anyhow, i just looked at my numerical graph thingy and apparently i’m looking into the statistical barrel of my worst month of hits since early 2008.  and the only thing i hate worse than getting shot in the face is – you guessed it – getting shot with my own failure.  in the face.  fiery hot data packets of fail right in the kisser.

so, yeah.  clearly i’m not cool with this development.  in fact, i’m so uncool with it that i’m gonna try to change things.  not anything important, like, say, racism, health care, or the weird confluence of racism/health care chatter that keeps popping up every time i leave my house.

no.  i can’t change the world people.  i’m only one blogger.  but with my intense focus and these two rockcrushing (but still very charming) hands, i’m pretty sure i can get my numbers up.

so tell your friends.  i’m back.  and i’m willing to write for their attention.  as long as said attention doesn’t require:

1) stories about doing things.  i don’t do those.  things, i mean.  i just don’t.

2) stories about winning.  i do them, but they’re all lies.  clever self-serving lies.

3) stories about climbing culture.  because 15k people in brown pants don’t deserve analysis.

4) posts without a list.  because:

a) it’s my writing crutch y’all.

b) how will you know it was me?

c) because i can’t do this alone.

nice to see you again.