Land of the Free

28 09 2009

great weather this week.  a good friend returns to the fold.  and i’m feeling pretty strong.

just glad there isn’t an economic summit in Slade.

i expect worse over the next decade.

News Flash(ed): 976th Ascent of Ro Shampo

24 09 2009
this is not me; and i have no idea WTF he is doing at the crux

this is not me; and i have no idea WTF he is doing at the crux

from the desk of my press officer:

Although many sorta-fit climbers and out-of-shape ropeguns have onsighted and flashed Ro  over the past decade (including some 11 year old kid from Texas, dozens of pregnant women, and at least one person who was “totally frying [his] ass off” on LSD), none have been able to make the 976th Ascent. Before today.  I am also the first person living in my house to climb an established 5.11d/5.12a on American soil.  As I clipped one at the anchors, I let out a victory explanation that could be heard all around: “You can get an armbar to clip!”

j/k.. it’s too swampy to climb right now….


Facebook is 4 Noobs

22 09 2009


no this post isn’t about how we should pal up on ye old facebook.  i’ve got plenty of friends.  and by friends i mean people who are barely acquaintances; a group which dwindles with each and every status update/status flame I deliver.  i’m like the Santa Claus for people who thrive on well-written hostility.

no, dear reader.  this post isn’t about how bold i am on the interwebs.  how tough i am in cyberspace.  nope, it’s all about noobs.  i’ll explain.

see, i’ve been interwebbing for over a decade.  flames.  trolls.  WTF???!!!  telling people to go “f/k themselves with their stupid f/king mouse” since about 1999.  now it’s not like i’m the only one.  clearly there had to be – at the very least – one other person for me to vent on.  in fact, thanks to sci-fi novels and dungeons and dragons there were a TON of people to vent on.  point is, this whole mess has been going on for awhile.

fast forward to right now:

is it just me or do other long-time interwebbers get the feeling that Facebook people are f/king noobs at this whole virtual communications game?  can’t flame someone on FB without someone pulling the entire thread.  explain to someone why they’re wrong?  the snub you IRL (that’s ‘in real life’  noob).  ZOMG WTFLOLBBQ!!!!!  IT”S LIKE THEY JUST ARRIVED ON EARTH.  JUST NOW.

i dunno about you, but i liked the interwebbage better when it was just me and the other nerds who knew what an URL was.

yours in rockclimbing splendor,


Musical Stuff (or) Why I Don’t Write Blog Stuffs Nomores

20 09 2009

hey folks.  i hate to use this blog to discuss anything other than 1) the #!*@*$ turd that is rockclimbings culture, 2) how skilled i am at analyzing turd residue, and 3) how i plan to win at rockclimbing, BUT i’m so syyyyykkkked on this batch of music (that I WROTE WITH MY MIND) i cannot help but spoil the sanctity of

may the climbing gods forgive us all.  yes, i’m talking about you Sherma.  forgiveness brah, forgiveness.

the style is sorta garage-glitchy dubstep.  so, yeah, it’s kinda not in a ‘style’ per se.  but you should check it out anyhow.



Why Does it Take a Decade to Learn Not to Train Like an Imbecile?

8 09 2009


seriously.  wtf.

all finger strength – all the time = broke ass fingers.

all endurance – all the time = weaksauce.

all power endurance – all the time = exhausted.

all power – all the time = broke ass shoulders.

despite having read about training in cycles, it never struck me as something i should maybe consider.  like abstinence as a means to magically avoid STD’s (shazam!), cyclical training seemed like a horrendous way to get “some”.  and by some i mean rockclimbing fun.  look, if i want to campus on jugs, then it’s jug campusin’ time.  if i want to do mono one arm pullups with a punching bag strapped to my waist, then i’m gonna do it.  because that’s what me and my ridiculously enormous forearms are in the mood for.  that’s how i eat.  that’s how i drink.  that’s how i climb.

i’m basically like the Hemingway of mundane activity doing.

so instead of heeding the sage advice of training book writers and the magazine writer-people who plagiarize borrow from them, i opted for a much more belligerent strategy:

climb ’til it breaks.  then play video games until you get fat.  then climb ’til it breaks.  and so on and so forth until i’ve got a ton of points on my Xbox 360 and my total grade progression since 2000 comes out to be something like -1.

this cycle of idiocy continued for over a decade until now.  because like a ‘roid junkie – i’m cycling.

3 weeks of power/strength

3 weeks of power endurance

1 week of just sitting around being totally kick ass

that’s right.  consider all the chains “clipped” and all the problems “ticked”.

rampage time.