Everything Sucks: Please Shut Up, You’re a Noob

21 02 2012

overhanging crimp ladder. /yawn

they hate this problem.  they hate this crag.  its dirty.  its dabby.  its in the shade.  its reachy.  bears.  its too close to the road.  its runout.  its contrived.  its soft.  a bunch of permas.  its stupid.  its a dropoff.  too many spraylords.  the approach sucks.  it smells bad.  the landing sucks.  its in the sun.  its sandbagged.  its grid bolted.  there are dogs.  its crunchy.  its polished.  there are noobs there.  no permas.

fuck this place.  everything sucks.

sound familiar?  well it should because this is as good as it’s gonna get.

2012 bitches.  we’re all gonna die anyhow so we might as well hone up our douchery as a prologue.

now where’d i put my jambox?  puppy and cooler are already in the car; time to go climbing.

distance, hearts, and fondness

1 06 2010

8a.nu Research Harem

three important ingredients: 1) Jens “Hey I Don’t Understand What Debate Means” Larssen (Founder of 8a.nu and General Innovator) 2) 8a.nu (news and quantitative spray/”debate” site), and 3) my distance from the much-loathed but still popular site ((time+space/8a.nu)+me).  it was all there.  fondness, however, not so much.  when i returned i found this*:

* bold emphasis mine.


Jamie Emerson is working on a topo for RMNP where Jade is located giving him a delicate issue, that in a way also describes grading theory, and the problem for 8a once producing news.

Jade seems to be a reachy one move problem that Daniel Woods, 168 cm?, did in 2007. In the 2008 8a yearbook, Björn Pohl appointed it to be one of the Top-10 most difficult problem in the world. It has been, rather quickly, repeated by five taller guys but no suggested downgrade before Carlo Traversi did so last week.

It is totally understandable that nobody has mentioned a down grade before as this should only be done when you feel something is totally wrong. Carlo has not done 8B+ and crimps are not his strong point. In the video, Carlo says it felt like 7C+ on the ascent.

Grades are delicate matters but if we only base it on feelings and consensus, we will never get it right. We must include second opinions, facts and Time Comparison Grading analyses. A topo producer or 8a can not just wait until another five guys like Carlo has suggested another grade.

Already in March the topo producer Jamie Emerson speculated about Jade being 8B+. Now, Paul Robinson says he is OK with this. My point here is if Daniel Woods have suggested an 8B+ FA grade, probably all of the repeaters would have agreed on that in the same way they agreed on 8C.

If we think grades are important I think a slash grade 8B+/8C is appropriate but if we do NOT think grades are so important and accurate, I would go for Jamie Emerson gut feeling.

I would also like to underline that it is just natural that the FA’s can not get it right 100 %. Daniel Woods has been leading the pack by 12 first ascent boulders graded 8B+ to 8C+. He has a clean record showing that he is very capable of suggesting humble FA grades. He has been a true role model since he was 19-years-old!

two reactions: 1) “bro, whaaaaaaaaaat?” and 2) SCIENCE!!!!



Twilight and Rockclimbings

30 11 2009

worst clown name ever

while i had my reservations about watching a movie aimed squarely at 15 year old girls, i sometimes like to watch popular films so i can remind myself why i hate everyone (aside from all the perfectly rational objective reasons i garnered from my 37th reading of Ayn Rand’s Art Deco Rape Classic The Fountainhead).

for those who haven’t seen it, Twilight is a story about a family of clowns with super-powers who live with regular people outside the colorful confines of the circus.  but rather than just transfix us with their silly antics (HOW DID THEY FIT ALL THOSE CLOWNS INTO THAT RANGE ROVER???!!!???), the central tension of the film is how clown/human love is ruined by the agonies of repressed sexual desire.  it felt like watching a million clowns unsuccessfully trying to grab an out-of-control (i.e. “wacky”) water-hose.

in clown language that means 😦 Read the rest of this entry »

Land of the Free

28 09 2009

great weather this week.  a good friend returns to the fold.  and i’m feeling pretty strong.

just glad there isn’t an economic summit in Slade.

i expect worse over the next decade.

Why Does it Take a Decade to Learn Not to Train Like an Imbecile?

8 09 2009


seriously.  wtf.

all finger strength – all the time = broke ass fingers.

all endurance – all the time = weaksauce.

all power endurance – all the time = exhausted.

all power – all the time = broke ass shoulders.

despite having read about training in cycles, it never struck me as something i should maybe consider.  like abstinence as a means to magically avoid STD’s (shazam!), cyclical training seemed like a horrendous way to get “some”.  and by some i mean rockclimbing fun.  look, if i want to campus on jugs, then it’s jug campusin’ time.  if i want to do mono one arm pullups with a punching bag strapped to my waist, then i’m gonna do it.  because that’s what me and my ridiculously enormous forearms are in the mood for.  that’s how i eat.  that’s how i drink.  that’s how i climb.

i’m basically like the Hemingway of mundane activity doing.

so instead of heeding the sage advice of training book writers and the magazine writer-people who plagiarize borrow from them, i opted for a much more belligerent strategy:

climb ’til it breaks.  then play video games until you get fat.  then climb ’til it breaks.  and so on and so forth until i’ve got a ton of points on my Xbox 360 and my total grade progression since 2000 comes out to be something like -1.

this cycle of idiocy continued for over a decade until now.  because like a ‘roid junkie – i’m cycling.

3 weeks of power/strength

3 weeks of power endurance

1 week of just sitting around being totally kick ass

that’s right.  consider all the chains “clipped” and all the problems “ticked”.

rampage time.