Everything Sucks: Please Shut Up, You’re a Noob

21 02 2012

overhanging crimp ladder. /yawn

they hate this problem.  they hate this crag.  its dirty.  its dabby.  its in the shade.  its reachy.  bears.  its too close to the road.  its runout.  its contrived.  its soft.  a bunch of permas.  its stupid.  its a dropoff.  too many spraylords.  the approach sucks.  it smells bad.  the landing sucks.  its in the sun.  its sandbagged.  its grid bolted.  there are dogs.  its crunchy.  its polished.  there are noobs there.  no permas.

fuck this place.  everything sucks.

sound familiar?  well it should because this is as good as it’s gonna get.

2012 bitches.  we’re all gonna die anyhow so we might as well hone up our douchery as a prologue.

now where’d i put my jambox?  puppy and cooler are already in the car; time to go climbing.


Music Stuffs: The Thanksgiving Edition

20 11 2009

i tried out for this band, but my suit wasn't "shiny" enough

i don’t believe in god.  sure, i think he is totally going to destroy us all in 2012 with the help of our arch-nemesis Mayan Calender, but i don’t so much  believe in “him”.  in fact, i don’t actually believe in anything, other than math and whatever i happen to be watching on television.   so with little or no “belief magic” you can imagine how stoked i am for thanksgiving.  yes, nothing gets me hyped on binge-eating quite like celebrating native americans teaching white people how not to starve in 1621… only to be almost entirely decimated by their dinner guests over the next 200 years.


but this year i’m going climbing (v14+/5.14c+).  then i’m going home (house).  then i’m listening to music (GOOD).  and it probably will sound like this:

paul white is the man.  click on the above image for a free download…

people.  listen to me.  this might be the best beats album of all time.  seriously.  i don’t lie about this kind of stuff.  in fact, outside of taxes and my entire high school sexual history – i don’t lie about anything.  except that one time when i was on vacation.  yes, that really happened.  really.

given the infantile attention span of – well – most everyone, this is probably considered old (it came out a year ago – GASP!).  i forgot where i was going with this, but i just bought this Starkey album yesterday, which makes me both really excited and also, like, WAY behind.  at any rate, this song is awesome.  rowdy r&b flavored bass music.

in what appears to be a trend, here is yet another artist who is a decade younger than me who I am totally in like with.  this remix by Joy Orbison basically takes everything awesome in music and crunches up into something more awesome than all the parts.  in other words – 5/5 – ***** – 10/10 – 8A



Land of the Free

28 09 2009

great weather this week.  a good friend returns to the fold.  and i’m feeling pretty strong.

just glad there isn’t an economic summit in Slade.

i expect worse over the next decade.

we agree with someone else about grades: world coming to abrubt end?

25 12 2008


i want to start by saying – “YES” –  i emphatically agree with jemerson’s consensual grading database idea.

no more of this FA decides garbage.  you think it’s a 12?  grrrreat.  it’s not; the mob now decides the apparent ‘truth’ and the mob says “11”.  finally something that makes sense.

add to this feature anonymity and tossing outliers (+3 grade difference from the FA and/or the mean) and what you have is something that is – dare i say? – useful.  not only would this end the social pressure of having to agree with your peers, but it would also end the frustrating tribunal downgrading that happens every season in the south just before the triple crown.

i mean, yeah, i get it.  you live next to the problem.  you’ve done it.  it feels easier.  it must be easier.  the throng replies: “yes, yes, yes, no”.  just because you can drink 5 beers, hike my project, AND hold a steady conversation about how morrissey sucked without the smiths doesn’t mean my project is any less stout.  it just means you’ve got my project wired in addition to having great musical sense.

now if we could just find someone who can speak “8a” we could maybe get this thing implemented.


the newbs cometh (or revenge of the jerry)

13 06 2008


when i first began the ‘climbing of the rocks’ (aka cliff clinging) i was a newb.  same for you.  same for dave graham (for 3-4 days).  same for all of us.  so while i do like to poke fun at the newbsauce jerry who still hasn’t taken the price tag off his sparkling new chalkbag, i also realize nobody pops into this game with sloth forearms, crag savvy, and a pair of scissors.  

that said, my recent (re)exploration of the red river gorge has taken me into a world RIFE with newbs.  why just last week i saw a horde of trad-gear armed gumbies retreat from a 5.6 choss-fest because their rope was tangled in a tree located some 30 feet away from the route.  add this absurdity to the dozens of shiny cams slotted in 8 inch intervals to protect the desperate 4th class ledge traverse and what you have is a combination of wide-eyed confusion and genuine concern on my part.

i mean, jerrys are funny ’til you gotta carry one 1.3 miles on your back.  

how then do we deal with these rookie duds?  sometimes a good ole-fashioned “dude, you suck.  give me your rope” seems like a good idea.  it saves their life, gets them out of the red, and gets me a desperately needed new rope.  win, win, win.  but as much as i love being on the hate wagon <*tip o’ the cap to sock hands> it seems better to help my experience malnourished brothers and sisters by ‘droppin’ knowledge’ on them.   in what follows i offer some advice on said knowledge droppage. Read the rest of this entry »