The Garage Hath Returned: A Prelude to a Totally Different 2 Year Hiatus

23 02 2012

the only way i could manage to take a dump on my Lamborghini without a ladder

in case you haven’t been paying attention to the big silence that is It Came from the Garage, i took a rather long respite from the climbing blogosphere.  a respite is – of course – a euphemism for playing video games, drinking beer, and watching sports used by the over-educated (HI I’VE READ ADORNO!) and unemployed  to make being ordinary sound like an action montage cut from a pile of Spielberg movies.  truth is, just like old people at stop lights, i got tired bored.

but that’s all fine and good.  a 21st century dude sometimes needs a healthy does of social media distractions and drugs to settle himself in the often torrid seas of the present.  i mean, the world is imploding on itself.  wild inequity threatens the social “balance”, environmental degradation is spoiling the..um… spoils of the earth, and – according to this pamphlet i’m reading – a fallen angel named SATAN has deployed homosexuals to destroy the world.

RUN FOR YOUR LIFE FRODO!!!

shit is dire folks.  giving up – while not something which shines on your resume – has never looked better.

but enough is enough.  after some time being a ‘dick’ on climbing forums, i’ve decided to fire up ye olde blog again.  we have some serious catchings up to do.

What’s New in the Rockclimbings?

the most important thing to know is i’m kinda great at it.  and by kinda i mean totally.  you know that feeling you get when everything clicks into place?  like when Harry Potter finally figures out he’s a super magical badass/magical super badass and not just a mop-headed weirdo with a scar?  yeah, well its kinda like that for me, but without all the goofy friends.

i don't need a spotter Weasley.

What’s the Same in Rockclimbings?

everything else.  seriously.  quibbling over grades.  training articles.  idiots ruining access.  shit under every rock at the motherlode.  adam ondra sending everything.

finally found a replacement for the Luke Perry poster in my workout room





Music Stuffs: The Thanksgiving Edition

20 11 2009

i tried out for this band, but my suit wasn't "shiny" enough

i don’t believe in god.  sure, i think he is totally going to destroy us all in 2012 with the help of our arch-nemesis Mayan Calender, but i don’t so much  believe in “him”.  in fact, i don’t actually believe in anything, other than math and whatever i happen to be watching on television.   so with little or no “belief magic” you can imagine how stoked i am for thanksgiving.  yes, nothing gets me hyped on binge-eating quite like celebrating native americans teaching white people how not to starve in 1621… only to be almost entirely decimated by their dinner guests over the next 200 years.

TOUCHDOWN!

but this year i’m going climbing (v14+/5.14c+).  then i’m going home (house).  then i’m listening to music (GOOD).  and it probably will sound like this:

paul white is the man.  click on the above image for a free download…

people.  listen to me.  this might be the best beats album of all time.  seriously.  i don’t lie about this kind of stuff.  in fact, outside of taxes and my entire high school sexual history – i don’t lie about anything.  except that one time when i was on vacation.  yes, that really happened.  really.

given the infantile attention span of – well – most everyone, this is probably considered old (it came out a year ago – GASP!).  i forgot where i was going with this, but i just bought this Starkey album yesterday, which makes me both really excited and also, like, WAY behind.  at any rate, this song is awesome.  rowdy r&b flavored bass music.

in what appears to be a trend, here is yet another artist who is a decade younger than me who I am totally in like with.  this remix by Joy Orbison basically takes everything awesome in music and crunches up into something more awesome than all the parts.  in other words – 5/5 – ***** – 10/10 – 8A

 

-tissue/milyoo/tommy





Land of the Free

28 09 2009

great weather this week.  a good friend returns to the fold.  and i’m feeling pretty strong.

just glad there isn’t an economic summit in Slade.

i expect worse over the next decade.





News Flash(ed): 976th Ascent of Ro Shampo

24 09 2009
this is not me; and i have no idea WTF he is doing at the crux

this is not me; and i have no idea WTF he is doing at the crux

from the desk of my press officer:

Although many sorta-fit climbers and out-of-shape ropeguns have onsighted and flashed Ro  over the past decade (including some 11 year old kid from Texas, dozens of pregnant women, and at least one person who was “totally frying [his] ass off” on LSD), none have been able to make the 976th Ascent. Before today.  I am also the first person living in my house to climb an established 5.11d/5.12a on American soil.  As I clipped one at the anchors, I let out a victory explanation that could be heard all around: “You can get an armbar to clip!”

j/k.. it’s too swampy to climb right now….

-tt





Musical Stuff (or) Why I Don’t Write Blog Stuffs Nomores

20 09 2009

hey folks.  i hate to use this blog to discuss anything other than 1) the #!*@*$ turd that is rockclimbings culture, 2) how skilled i am at analyzing turd residue, and 3) how i plan to win at rockclimbing, BUT i’m so syyyyykkkked on this batch of music (that I WROTE WITH MY MIND) i cannot help but spoil the sanctity of icftg.com.

may the climbing gods forgive us all.  yes, i’m talking about you Sherma.  forgiveness brah, forgiveness.

the style is sorta garage-glitchy dubstep.  so, yeah, it’s kinda not in a ‘style’ per se.  but you should check it out anyhow.

cheers.

-t





things i hate: bouldery routes

3 06 2009

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i am not really a breakdancer.  i am a boulderer. *SURPRISE!*  white, american. hetero, male, boulderer.  i know because it says so on the ‘contact information’ card in my Trapper Keeper ©.  right under the part where my mom wrote: “believe in yourself pookie!”.

thanks mom.  pookie did.  until he started trying to climb ‘bouldery routes‘. Read the rest of this entry »





enemy mine: spurt climbin’ ethic time

12 05 2009

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sometimes i wake up and think to myself “where am i?”  and then i’m all like “AHA!!!”  that’s because i know where i am AND i like to let myself know with exclamatronics.  and, yes, i sometimes make up cool words to describe the banal.  ima banalinator.

whoops, i did it again. Read the rest of this entry »