Twilight and Rockclimbings

30 11 2009

worst clown name ever

while i had my reservations about watching a movie aimed squarely at 15 year old girls, i sometimes like to watch popular films so i can remind myself why i hate everyone (aside from all the perfectly rational objective reasons i garnered from my 37th reading of Ayn Rand’s Art Deco Rape Classic The Fountainhead).

for those who haven’t seen it, Twilight is a story about a family of clowns with super-powers who live with regular people outside the colorful confines of the circus.  but rather than just transfix us with their silly antics (HOW DID THEY FIT ALL THOSE CLOWNS INTO THAT RANGE ROVER???!!!???), the central tension of the film is how clown/human love is ruined by the agonies of repressed sexual desire.  it felt like watching a million clowns unsuccessfully trying to grab an out-of-control (i.e. “wacky”) water-hose.

in clown language that means 😦 Read the rest of this entry »


Time Machine Accoutrements

27 11 2009

Music Stuffs: The Thanksgiving Edition

20 11 2009

i tried out for this band, but my suit wasn't "shiny" enough

i don’t believe in god.  sure, i think he is totally going to destroy us all in 2012 with the help of our arch-nemesis Mayan Calender, but i don’t so much  believe in “him”.  in fact, i don’t actually believe in anything, other than math and whatever i happen to be watching on television.   so with little or no “belief magic” you can imagine how stoked i am for thanksgiving.  yes, nothing gets me hyped on binge-eating quite like celebrating native americans teaching white people how not to starve in 1621… only to be almost entirely decimated by their dinner guests over the next 200 years.


but this year i’m going climbing (v14+/5.14c+).  then i’m going home (house).  then i’m listening to music (GOOD).  and it probably will sound like this:

paul white is the man.  click on the above image for a free download…

people.  listen to me.  this might be the best beats album of all time.  seriously.  i don’t lie about this kind of stuff.  in fact, outside of taxes and my entire high school sexual history – i don’t lie about anything.  except that one time when i was on vacation.  yes, that really happened.  really.

given the infantile attention span of – well – most everyone, this is probably considered old (it came out a year ago – GASP!).  i forgot where i was going with this, but i just bought this Starkey album yesterday, which makes me both really excited and also, like, WAY behind.  at any rate, this song is awesome.  rowdy r&b flavored bass music.

in what appears to be a trend, here is yet another artist who is a decade younger than me who I am totally in like with.  this remix by Joy Orbison basically takes everything awesome in music and crunches up into something more awesome than all the parts.  in other words – 5/5 – ***** – 10/10 – 8A



like a phoenix but without all the ashes

20 11 2009


graphic design fail

so there i was writing a blog post for my recently conceived music blog (about music y’all!), when it struck me – i already have a blog.  in fact, i have a blog WITH a domain name.  so rather than pollute the blogosphere with yet another i thought it best to recycle my favorite self-absorbed blog: this one!


because – let’s be honest – going ‘green’ actually requires more than just drinking organic apple juice and taking pictures of yourself in front of your neighbor’s Prius .  if you aren’t doing your part on the internet, then – dude – it doesn’t count.

at first i felt bad about opening up my blogorific textual boundaries (yes, exactly like working through the kama sutra but with blog genres and without all the oil) to include stuff not called rockclimbings.  but then i was all like “STOP TRYING TO CONTROL ME…me”.  schizophrenic jokes aside, there just isn’t enough in the rockclimbings to hold my top-rated, coffee-fueled, beer diminished attention.  this is not to say that climbing isn’t super-complex and, like, totally intellectually dynamic, but – to quote Too Short :

You see I got all my game from the streets of California, Young millionaire with no high school diploma, Livin real good, taking care of my folks, roll up a fat one for the players to smoke

don’t get me wrong.  just because i have “mad” “street game” doesn’t mean i don’t still rockclimb.  i decided long ago that if joe kinder can say “mayne” in a paragraph and climb 14d, then basically anyone can do anything they put their mind to.   which is why i recently doubled my training efforts to become one of the best (i.e. strongest, most talented, most epic) climbers of rock in the world. and i still say all sorts of different street words – all the time – in public.

and just between you and me, i’ve waited til now to announce how super-amazing at climbing i am because i was really into the whole unheralded hero trope AND i didn’t want to make the rest of you feel bad.

so, you’re welcome, in advance.

so what’s the plan?  well.  i’m going to write about whatever feels right.  politics?  check.  climbing?  check.  music?  check.  fashion?  you know it, girl!.  because nothing gets me to the laptop faster than a new pair of jeans.

bootcut….  gives me chills.

so yeah.  expect some stuff.  it’s all happening.


Land of the Free

28 09 2009

great weather this week.  a good friend returns to the fold.  and i’m feeling pretty strong.

just glad there isn’t an economic summit in Slade.

i expect worse over the next decade.

News Flash(ed): 976th Ascent of Ro Shampo

24 09 2009
this is not me; and i have no idea WTF he is doing at the crux

this is not me; and i have no idea WTF he is doing at the crux

from the desk of my press officer:

Although many sorta-fit climbers and out-of-shape ropeguns have onsighted and flashed Ro  over the past decade (including some 11 year old kid from Texas, dozens of pregnant women, and at least one person who was “totally frying [his] ass off” on LSD), none have been able to make the 976th Ascent. Before today.  I am also the first person living in my house to climb an established 5.11d/5.12a on American soil.  As I clipped one at the anchors, I let out a victory explanation that could be heard all around: “You can get an armbar to clip!”

j/k.. it’s too swampy to climb right now….


Facebook is 4 Noobs

22 09 2009


no this post isn’t about how we should pal up on ye old facebook.  i’ve got plenty of friends.  and by friends i mean people who are barely acquaintances; a group which dwindles with each and every status update/status flame I deliver.  i’m like the Santa Claus for people who thrive on well-written hostility.

no, dear reader.  this post isn’t about how bold i am on the interwebs.  how tough i am in cyberspace.  nope, it’s all about noobs.  i’ll explain.

see, i’ve been interwebbing for over a decade.  flames.  trolls.  WTF???!!!  telling people to go “f/k themselves with their stupid f/king mouse” since about 1999.  now it’s not like i’m the only one.  clearly there had to be – at the very least – one other person for me to vent on.  in fact, thanks to sci-fi novels and dungeons and dragons there were a TON of people to vent on.  point is, this whole mess has been going on for awhile.

fast forward to right now:

is it just me or do other long-time interwebbers get the feeling that Facebook people are f/king noobs at this whole virtual communications game?  can’t flame someone on FB without someone pulling the entire thread.  explain to someone why they’re wrong?  the snub you IRL (that’s ‘in real life’  noob).  ZOMG WTFLOLBBQ!!!!!  IT”S LIKE THEY JUST ARRIVED ON EARTH.  JUST NOW.

i dunno about you, but i liked the interwebbage better when it was just me and the other nerds who knew what an URL was.

yours in rockclimbing splendor,