things i hate: bouldery routes

3 06 2009


i am not really a breakdancer.  i am a boulderer. *SURPRISE!*  white, american. hetero, male, boulderer.  i know because it says so on the ‘contact information’ card in my Trapper Keeper ©.  right under the part where my mom wrote: “believe in yourself pookie!”.

thanks mom.  pookie did.  until he started trying to climb ‘bouldery routes‘. Read the rest of this entry »


area gymrat likens himself to chris sharma

8 11 2008

associated press. november 7, 2008.  boulder, colorado.

after sticking an overhanging campus move to a jug-handle on a V4 bouldering route, franklin mcdermot of fort collins, colorado announced to gym onlookers that “he was a lot like (chris) sharma”.  when asked to explain himself, the 17 year old mcdermot had this to say:

“well, you know, i’m not very good on small holds.  i’m kind of a bigger guy.  so i just like to find something i can sink my meathooks into, and just erragh!” (pantomimes throwing motion)

additionally, franklin compared his closest friend and bouldering partner for the day; james burnberry, to obe (carrion) for being unable to do the move.  when asked if he would care to liken any of his other friends to well known climbing celebrities, franklin responded that amy gladstone was kind of like dave graham because she had good footwork and no visible muscle to speak of.  franklin was last seen attempting to rip the sleeves off of his shirt while extolling the virtues of gradeless climbing to a full-body-harnessed four year old.

-the architect