etc. etc. etc.

14 10 2008

i was going to take a look at the production of climbing discourse by sorting through the use of particular modifiers to describe routes/problems on  for instance, when was the phrase “full value” first used to describe a route/problem, in what context, and by whom?  how has this phrase proliferated (both in quantity and in/over space)?  my concern isn’t with what “full value” means (though it does strike me that nobody calls anything half-value or quarter value), but rather how our discursive connection to the rock changes over time.  this doesn’t change the experience of actual climbing (in the moment), but it certainly has an effect on our memory of climbs and probably plays a part in defining quality in climbing.  it might also be useful to flip through old guidebooks and older issues of climbing to do similar work.

but i’m not actually gonna write a foucauldian research post.  instead: Read the rest of this entry »

fall is coming

8 09 2008

despite coming off a full weekend of hangover-producing graduate school shenanigans, it has been brought to my attention (by nature no less) that fall is coming.  and with fall?:  


in fact, i’m heading to military in 15 minutes.  gonna get my ’12 wall’ trifecta on.

booyah.  (it’s how the kids say “see, i am doing this”)



my big fake interview

26 06 2008

our friends over at pimpin and crimpin have published a brilliant interview with famed snarkster/social poet/media mogul matt samet.    

we are jealous because we think matt samet is funny.  

we would try and interview him (the samet) as well, but given our devotion to his discursive stylistics, we could probably only repeat him to him, which could cause a rift in the space time continuum and could possibly cause the destruction of the universe.  our math isn’t solid on this, but my stephen hawking-sense tells me i’m probably right.   

in lieu of a samet-i-tation on climbing – a matt-erialized fugue on cliff clinging, if you will – i’ve decide to interview myself.  this works great with my schedule and also gives me a chance to brush up on my somewhat tenuous ‘people skills’.  plus, the “kill ’em all, let god sort ’em out” tattoo on my forehead is far less likely to unnerve me as it might some liberal lunatic with a fetish for ‘not killing everything and letting god sort it out’.  a non-fetish fetish, i suppose.   



me: hi.

me: um.

me: this is awkward.

me: huh, yeah.

me: yeah.

me: so, when did you first start…  oh, i already know the answer to that.

me: yeah, i suppose so.

me:  yeah.

me: huh.

-tissue tendons


fan queries (or) email from the haters

17 06 2008

we here at ICFTG rarely receive mail from our readership. for awhile i assumed that many had not yet learned to write and were hard at work sorting out the oftentimes tricky relationship between nouns and verbs so they could shower us with much overdue praise.

i was wrong. nouns and verbs really aren’t that tricky. and the proof – as they say – is in the queries:

Q: “If this is a climbing blog…uh…. why isn’t there any pictures of climbing or any climbing” – Anonymous

A: dude. we don’t climb. we just TALK about climbing. this is the internet, not boulder. if you want photos and trip stories then hit up one of the colorado sites. they climb AND talk about it. plus, when you have more than two people at a session you get what i like to call: photos.

Q: “I have a great idea for a post: “It Came From the Garage: Cancelled” – Adam P.

A: huh. great plan. poor execution. i give it a c-. i woulda given an a+ for: — this blog sucks. it’s more like “It Came From the Garbage”– see what i did there?

i added a b.

Q: “Why don’t you clip bolts? Who boulders in Kentucky? Wanker. ” – Anonymous

A: this is a good one. during my most recent trip out west, i was often asked the very same question. desert people stuck with painful granite crimps seemed appalled that i eschewed kentucky’s amazing corbin sandstone cliffs for its often sandy rockfall boulders. a few years ago i would have offered them an elaborate explanation about the social connectivity of bouldering, the minutia involved in problem solving, and my ability to head out into the kentucky jungle in the solo. this year, however, i’m training power endurance so as to rid myself of ‘wankerdom’ once and for all.

by fall, i too plan to make fun of boulderers. silly pebble wrastlers the lot of them.

that’s it. if you have any (more) questions feel free to drop us a line.


climbing is overrated

31 03 2008

for my follow up and less verbose second post, i have to share a revelation with all of you. -you being the community of people i probably already know and most likely shared this experience with, seeing that as a guest poster, i’m privy to the number of hits this blog gets.

climbing is overrated.

i say this because i ventured outside of the garage and went “climbing” today, and by climbing i mean that i put on a rope twice and did one and a half pitches. this is worth mentioning in of itself seeing that i’ve only roped up once or twice in the past three years or so. but what is really interesting, is that if i had actually paid for most of my gear, each one of those days would have been valued at approximately $248.73, once you add up all the capital necessary to partake in such an endeavor like roped climbing.

now after all that, what was the most memorable experience? well apart from the usual grossly inappropriate, twisted and dark humor, and completely unprovoked aggressive comments usually directed towards any passing individual’s girlfriend, it involved the indomitable reverend of the bassett house discovering a bee crawling on the ground and preceding to shout at it, “HEY BEE. MAKE SOME HONEY!” in the same voice you would expect out of grover from sesame street if he couldn’t control the level of his voice and consequently was drunk from depression.

with these preceding tabulations and observations i came to the following revelations:

  1. if i could make ever sentence i uttered rhyme like mohammad ali, i totally would.
  2. for $248.73 i probably could have bought some damn good drugs for the reverend and expected even more bizarre exhortations, although the unexpectedness of the outburst was really what made the occasion.
  3. with the above mentioned amount i could have made made 79% of a round trip road trip to hueco (at the going gas rate) or 72% of a round trip road trip to salt lake city and the surrounding meccas of climbing, by myself, with no one to split gas with.
  4. one low-to-mid-priced clown or magician for about an hour.

really the choice is pretty clear to me if the decision is mine, and for $248.73 per hour, that magician better damn well show me a good time.

-the architect